cola
01-18-2004, 03:29 PM
The Winners:
1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.....
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for
his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he
shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he
was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to
a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened
the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the
cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)
7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski
mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the
thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent.
Then the sniggers started. The security guard completely lost
it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have
drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away
and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later
put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,
mother-stickers, this is a fuck-up!"
8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes,officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m,
flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him
down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick
man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be
robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire
wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked.....
And now, the honourable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted
a claim to his insurance company. The company suspecting
negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself.
He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was
approved.
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for
his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle
to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he
shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed
to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital,
telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered
for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When
asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he
was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to
a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened
the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the
cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)
7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski
mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the
thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!"
For a moment, everyone was silent.
Then the sniggers started. The security guard completely lost
it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life,
because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have
drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away
and is still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later
put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,
mother-stickers, this is a fuck-up!"
8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.
He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor
store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the
cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,
a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed
description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police
apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove
back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and
told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
"Yes,officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m,
flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him
down because he said he couldn't open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he
bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick
man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor
home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.